I Hate Babies

                A game does not always have to be a straight horror game to have some seriously creepy, fear inducing moments.  Sometimes it can just have one or two bosses that are so twisted it makes you never want to play that level again.  A moment like this arose during the 4^th and 6^th stage of the game “Catherine.”

Vincent during his nightmares.

                “Catherine” is one of the most unique games I have ever played.  It fits into its own unique genre of game that is a puzzle-platformer psychological horror adventure game (that is a mouthful).  In the game, you control a man named Vincent Brooks who is beginning to have strange nightmares after his girlfriend, Katherine, begins to talk to him about marriage and commitment.  Matters become even worse for him one night after he accidentally has an affair with a girl named Catherine that he met one night while drinking, which causes his nightmares to become even more intense.  During the daytime, he drinks, converses with friends and tries to handle his relationships with Catherine and Katherine, but during the nighttime, he must run for his life inside of his nightmares in order to stay alive.

Catherine (left) and Katherine (right) are complete opposites.

                The premise of the game deals with Vincent and his major commitment issues and really makes you wonder what you would do in a similar situation.  There are many times where you have to answer relationship questions for Vincent and they can make you feel like a pretty crappy person after you answer some of them.  It is a lot headier than what I went in expecting but I absolutely loved it.  The actual platforming sequences come during the nighttime chapters of the game when you have to guide Vincent up a tower of blocks while they slowly fall out from under you.  The puzzling towers are absolutely brutal in their design and have a steep learning curve.  I died, and died, and died, and continued to die until I watched some more instructional videos online and finally began to get the hang of it.  Being able to complete the regular tower scaling levels started to give me a great sense of accomplishment, but each time that happened the developers had some curveball waiting to hammer me back down and keep me in my place (which usually meant falling to my bloody and violent death).  These curveballs usually consisted of a gigantic boss creature appearing to chase you up the tower; the worst one appeared on night four.

I became very well acquainted with this screen.

                The day before night four your real girlfriend, Katherine, tells you that she is pregnant.  This scares the hell out of Vincent, as it would any non-married individual with commitment issues, and causes some seriously twisted nightmares during the night.  As I finally reached the last stage in night four I was greeted with one of the most gruesome creatures I had seen in a game: a gigantic looking hell baby.  Pales skin, white eyes lacking pupils, noticeable veins popping out, and blood curdling screams of, “DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDYYYYYYYY,” all come from this baby and it is the thing of my nightmares.  I hate babies.  Babies are just like having to take care of a constant drunk person: they puke and pee on themselves, cry uncontrollably, have mood swings out the ***, look hideous, and are just generally unlikeable in my eyes.  So when a video game has a gigantic baby chasing me while shooting tremors up a tower to knock me to my baby induced death, I can truthfully say it is the thing of my nightmares.

The evil devil baby with his intimidating pacifier.

                This hell child crushed me to a bloody pulp repeatedly all the while screaming, “DON’T LEAVE MEEEEEEEE,” while I desperately tried to do just that.  When I finally reached the top of the tower and was greeted with a cutscene of the baby being fried into oblivion by a blinding light, I was overjoyed.  I had escaped the evil baby death, but my joy did not get to last long.  Just two nighttime stages later, the game actually managed to top itself on the “twisted as hell” scale.  The baby of my nightmares had returned, but this time he was covered in a bloody half robotic mess and wielding a chainsaw of all things.  I do not know what staff member on the development team came up with this idea, but I know that if I ever meet him I will proceed to swiftly kick him in the nuts.

Who gives a child a chainsaw?!

                This baby was somehow even more unrelenting than the first.  All the same attributes and blood curdling screams were present, but now the baby could use his not-so-baby-like chainsaw to cut away at parts of the level and throw giant stones at me.  Death was once again my friend and we greeted each other as a man greets his ex, with indignation and awkwardness.  Finally being able to reach the top of the tower and fry this hell baby was even more rewarding than the first dead baby and when I watched it fall to its death, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief.

                “Catherine” helped to solidify my disdain for babies.  Now when someone tells me they are pregnant, I can only conjure up the image of a chainsaw wielding child growing inside their placenta.  If pro-choice advocates used this baby in their campaigns, I would never disagree with them.  This is a game I will not so easily forget.

Located below are videos of each tower level featuring the hell baby.  The second video should be started at about 6:17 to see the demon wielding chainsaw baby.